Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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