Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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