You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
