i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im six kinds of drunk right now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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