I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
