we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
