he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
