If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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