So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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