somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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