She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
