I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
