Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
These tits shall not be calmed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
