why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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