Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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