The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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