I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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