So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
