If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
