I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
