i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize