I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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