if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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