i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
