the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
