The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
