I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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