i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
