There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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