There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
