the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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