Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
