I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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