I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
