There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
