ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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