i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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