Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
