I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Terrible idea I love it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
