He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
