I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
