The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
