what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
