How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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