Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
