i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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