u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
