When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize