Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
