I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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