Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
