You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
