I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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