Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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