he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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