I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
