I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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