20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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