Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
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I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.