Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.