franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
