If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
where are you?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy