he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
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Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my poor anus
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw