I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had