He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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