Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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