dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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