My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
