So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
