Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
