So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
