Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i came on her dog
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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