i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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