she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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