Porn is love you can see.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
